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Sitting in the same sartorial wheelhouse as pedal pushers and bum-length overcoats, there’s a halfway house-residing laziness in their ease of wear – the clothing equivalent of ordering a Cesar salad with the dressing on the side because you “don’t like anchovies” – which makes them moot. Where Bermudas and tailored shorts, which end just above the knee, might, on the surface at least, denote good taste and a certain stylistic diffidence, they’re also a bit of a cop-out. The truth is, after all, that short shorts demonstrate nothing if they don’t demonstrate commitment.
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Life is short (and the period in which we can feasibly get away with wearing thigh-grazing legwear even shorter), which means that, right now, it almost seems amoral, pandemic positive even, to wear anything other than teeny-tiny crack flossers at any given moment. Shorts should only be worn on the tennis court or on the beach.” And, well, what Tom says goes.īut following our past year of utmost discontent, a time during which we’ve become more closely acquainted with comfortwear and workout gear than ever before in the history of our wardrobes, there’s something about short shorts which feels, well, both timely and correct. Flip-flops and shorts in the city are never appropriate. Even Tom Ford – a master of sartorial acuity, yes, but a sexual being too – famously said, “A man should never wear shorts in the city. And there’s the fact that any and every etiquette rule book one could ever care to consult dictates that short shorts are simply not the done thing. It’s a state of affairs that the more sartorially astute portion of my brain is struggling to grapple with in particular, not least because I’m a very tall man and short shorts have a habit of making me look like Treebeard in hot pants. There was a part of me – a more prudish part perhaps – that was determined not to be down with the kids and their five-inch rule (for those not in the know, the omniscient TikTok tweens last year decreed that any short longer than five inches should be cancelled, and the argument is still blazing on social media), but it’s undeniably true that there’s something excellently brazen, brilliantly bold and ever so slightly batshit about wearing shorts in public that could just as easily double as a boxer brief, and it’s making me waver. Having just read my esteemed colleague’s answer above, and having looked even harder than I already have at the lead image of this piece, I think I might have to change my angle somewhat. They’re comfy! Ventilated! And allow me to show off a tattoo I got in lockdown on my right-hand thigh, specifically placed so that I could show it off in the summer, sprawled outside a Tottenham warehouse at six in the morning.īy Teo van den Broeke, Style And Grooming Director Now there is nothing more glorious in my life than putting on a pair of short shorts (which, almost by the very nature of their design, means I’ll also be in a jockstrap) and a tiny crop top and hitting a nightclub. The same internal voice that told me mesh was unsightly and taking your top off in a club was narcissistic. But you know who told me I’m not supposed to? Me, myself and I. Short shorts are not supposed to be something I wear.
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Listen: I’m not exactly a beanpole of a guy. The muscled bodies and erotica-adjacent style of queerness wasn’t trying to say I wasn’t good enough it was simply saying that this was something men could, potentially, be. As time has gone by, however, I’ve realised that the problem was never the men wearing short shorts, but entirely in myself: if a man wants to wear the tightest, highest set of Ellesse shorts for London Pride, the only person they are making a statement about is themselves.